Monday, 18 January 2010

Club Rules

Addendum for the new decade:

10 commandments by the order of the holy hand grenade of Antioch.

1. Thou shalt pay whenst thou playeth.

English: We ask for the not-so-princely sum of £3 per evening. If it's your first or second evening at the club, don't worry, it's on us, otherwise the rule is "no pay, no play"

2. Thou shalt respect thy gaming club property.

English: All scenery and gaming boards have been produced for you; in return all we ask is that you treat the provided items as if they were your own. If by chance you happen to mistreat your own things, then do not treat ours this way. Otherwise our very own dracolich will eat you(we keep him out the back, he's called George).

3. Thou shalt adhere to the opening times.

English: We are open from 3pm to 10.30pm please ensure that you allow enough time to clear away all tables and boards before this time. After this time your handsome management team will all turn into ugly ogres much like poor Cinderella and you do not want to see that.

4. Thou shall not make a mess.

English: Mess is not required, any mess you make you are responsible for clearing up and throwing away. The building must be left exactly how we found it, no exceptions! For a long time there has been a black bag provided, however this is not going to be around for much longer. As we said, everyone needs to get into the habit of taking their own rubbish home with them.

5. Thou shalt not be too beardy.

English: Beards are ugly, full stop. On a club-related note, although we can understand the joy of crushing your opponent under-foot, don't try and play in such a way that either of you stops enjoying the game. That "Ultimate Uber Ultra Force of Deadly Doom"(TM) may defeat everyone in two turns, but if you can't be beaten, people simply won't bother playing you.

6. Thou shalt not interfere.

English: Quite simple really, if you want to watch then watch, do not help or hinder in any way. By all means gasp in amazement as well laid plans go drastically wrong or cheer if the underdog smites his foe. But do not interfere.

7. Thine possessions are thine own problem.

English: Any possessions of yours are your responsibility, be it cases, models, or personal effects. If you damage or lose something the club accepts no responsibility.

8. Thou shalt not steal.

English: Theft will not be tolerated in the slightest! In any sense of the meaning! If you are caught stealing you will be immediately ejected, never to return. Like the Yeti in Monster’s Inc.

9. Thou shalt behave.

English: It is a fun place, and will encourage you to have fun at all times, however there is a “line” and persistent swearing, racism, sexism, ageism or bullying will not be tolerated and will be dealt with accordingly with the appropriate punishment administered.

10. Thou shalt have FUN!

This is for you! You may feel that the rules are harsh for a gaming club, but they are there for one reason only, and that is to achieve our primary objective………

Please note we have no problems about people with beards, and are sure that some are actually quite fetching. Please don't sue us

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